Why Did You Get Married?!?

Marriage. That simple word that results in a union that is to stand the test of times. Why do some people do it?

I married because I love my husband. Simple as that and besides the fact that he loves me. Undoubtedly, I never imagined myself clad in six inch heels, in a party dress, running off to the justice of peace and eloping but I must admit, it was fun to do and it fit my personality, holistically. I did have my husband to promise me to give me the wedding of my dreams when he returned from deployment.  So, if you’ve never been a military family then try as you may but you won’t understand some of the rash decisions we make, but frankly it’s not your business, is it, if you aren’t contributing in some way, right? Okay. Point established.

At any rate, over the course of time, I have been considered worthy to know other reasons why people get married and stay that way even when they are unhappy. I have a problem with that because I am not the kind of person who rationalizes her happiness. Blame that on being independent perhaps or me being totally, random but it begrudges me when people jeopardize their happiness.

Here are some of the reasons why some people got married and felt that LOVE would happen over time:

  • She got pregnant. Granted, the Bible is swooned with no sex before marriage, some of us can’t seem to keep Left and Right closed but is that a reason to get married? Consider the fact that this is the man you spend forever with and is he “father and husband” material? Those who fall in this category attempt to save face to certain degrees because they don’t want others to criticize them. I called it the “society effect.” *Ahem* Once you’re pregnant, we all know you’re not the Virgin Mary, and God forgives sin through your repentance so marrying for baby will not suffice. If a man is not ready to settle down then a child won’t change a thing.
  • High School Sweetheart. Excuse me, but there is nothing about high school that was sweet for me, not even the cheating guys I swooned over and dated. As bad as this may sound, I knew at an early age that I would marry late into my twenties because I loved the idea of “dating.” Modern takes on that word seems skewed but “dating” means no attachments and simple arranged “meetings or outings” where we exchange wicked banter, wisdom, advice, jokes, and I shook your hand as I greeted you and gave you a sideways hug and sent you packing. Generations before us called this “courting.” Who took courting off the map? Courting was how you found the guy/girl to “date” and eventually you entered a “relationship” which meant no more “dating” but “exclusivity” and “monogamity” (yes, I just made up a word). Sadly, in this day and age we are so in a rush to “label” and “define” things that we forget to enjoy our encounters for what they truly are. I liked men too much to marry a high school sweetheart. At one point I wanted to marry that jerk but he married the woman he cheated with and spared me the humiliation and I thank him because “dating” helped refine my taste in men.
  • He proposed. Really? He did?? Great? Proposals can be denied or if you’re like me, I told my husband, then fiance, that although I accepted his proposal, the run to the altar would not happen until months-years later. I knew he was the ONE but we had only been dating for four months and there are some issues in life that time can truly tell and reveal. He respected that and slapped a ring on it. I was HIS. Now, had I not “loved” him, I would’ve denied his proposal. If I did not feel he was my soul mate I would’ve said, “NO!” I knew it, I just wanted to WAIT.
  • He has money. WOW. Dead Presidents. Bank account. Stocks, bonds. Awesome, right? Who wouldn’t want a man who has his finances in order but wait, is it his money or is it inherited from grandpa and Dad? If so, he still has much to prove in my book. Sadly, many women see this as a red flag to jump the broom but all the money in the world should not be enough to buy your happiness. Take a look around at the celebrities who are in and out of rehab, displaying outlandish behavior, and running through husbands and wives as if they are competing in matrimonial marathons. Money can’t buy happiness; it can mask and sugarcoat it but it’s one check you can’t cash at the bank once it’s OVER. It becomes an “insufficient marriage.”
  • I don’t want to be lonely.  Sure everyone else is getting engaged and married, but prayerfully, it is because God has sent them their soul mate and it’s a Ruth and Boaz union. Frankly, not everyone marries their soul-mate and that’s sad but the fear of being lonely is the equivalent to lacking faith that God will send you the person he created just for you. As I look around me, people are getting new cars, careers, houses, etc., but I do not find myself longing for what others have because I know God’s plan for MY life. No one wants to be lonely but don’t be in a rush to seal the deal because others are doing it. Patience is a virtue and love is worth the wait, trust me.

Simply put, marry for love and even if it doesn’t work, who cares. You gave love a chance. A divorce does not have to result in a bitter man or woman or be seen as a “failure.” It’s a time to evaluate you as a person and to embark on a self-improvement plan. We all can stand in  line in the SIP department, I think. Too many people are clinging to lifeless relationships and marriages because they are “stuck” and afraid to let go for numerous reasons: being alone, what other people say, think, and believe, etc. But if your marriage is not edifying Christ, your family, yourself, and your spouse then it’s not a marriage anyway – you simply live together in worlds apart. Also, don’t stay married for “the kids” because your kids are not going to sacrifice their happiness or bouts with love when they get older (hence the rebel child).

Am I supporting divorce? No, I am not at all but I don’t believe in sacrificing my happiness, either so that’s why I waited to marry my husband. There was no rush to jump the broom after he proposed.

While I am no expert, since I am a newly wed, I’ve lived life long enough to know a thing a two about happiness and I don’t compromise it in any element in my life – not love, career, friends, or anything.

I hope that you are “HAPPY” in all aspects and if you’re not, then what are you waiting for? Go find some happiness or renew your marital bliss.

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22 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. journeytoepiphany
    May 10, 2011 @ 11:25:04

    I especially like your reasons not to marry. I think it’s important to define what love is. Because it doesn’t always have a feeling, and many times when the feeling goes, people think that love is gone as well. I Corinthians 13 tells us what love is. It is something we do long after racing hearts and lumps in the throat are gone…

    Reply

  2. estherlou
    May 10, 2011 @ 15:28:38

    I guess the reasons are as many and varied as there are people. I come from the past. This June we will be married 42 years. We met in junior high school and broke up, and got back together in high school and got married in college. He always said he knew I was the one for him when we met. I feel it was a God thing or it wouldn’t have lasted so long. The man is a saint and has put up with me for this many years after all. LOL Thanks for the post.

    Reply

    • MiMi Atkins
      May 10, 2011 @ 22:06:46

      Esther,
      I love your name. Very good woman in the Bible. Yes, your generation is different. You knew how to cling to love and it meant something. Somehow love is different for my generation and many find themselves married for all the wrong reasons. Thanks for sharing. My husband is a saint,too because I am one tough cookie. LOL. Congrats on your upcoming anniversary. I love to hear stories of happy marriages.

      Reply

  3. Nicholas Whitbeck
    May 11, 2011 @ 01:16:34

    You married me because you loved me, baby. You are right that others should be careful and marry for love. Yes, we military families are unique. We have to take the good women off the market ASAP.

    Reply

  4. Michita
    May 11, 2011 @ 04:24:52

    Love this post you brought up some interesting points for a lot of people to take into consideration.

    Reply

    • MiMi Atkins
      May 11, 2011 @ 23:30:12

      Thanks, Michita. I pray they take heed and if they were insulted in any way though it wasn’t my intention then obviously the shoe fits, sadly. Thanks for reading.

      Reply

  5. Elizabeth Young
    May 11, 2011 @ 16:42:29

    My daughter just had her first marriage proposal. She was so excited to tell me. She is 27 and teaching English in South Korea. A little boy about 7 years old looked down at her from an upstairs window and said: “You beautiful!” “Thank you!” she said. He then said: “You marry me?” Is that cute or what?
    Great article, I agreed with everything you said, detailed and well written.

    Reply

    • MiMi Atkins
      May 11, 2011 @ 23:32:02

      That’s the cutest story ever. How darling. I tried to teach overseas but with all the mayhem it seemed God had other plans. Having a child and a deployed spouse made me an “unlikely” candidate this time around. I am happy for your daughter because teaching is a phenomenal career and its employees are unsung heroes. Thanks for reading, Elizabeth.

      Reply

  6. Brenda
    May 11, 2011 @ 17:53:56

    You are spot on here, people marry for all sorts of reasons and don’t always understand what they are getting into until it’s too late. I married a Brit so that I could move to England (just kidding). Fell.. and that was that. Wonderful post.

    Reply

  7. wosushi
    May 11, 2011 @ 21:13:53

    Mimi, its so true that people need to be sure they marry for the right reason.

    And it’s also important to know what love really is. It’s being unselfish. Putting someone else’s needs and wants above your own. If you both work at that, things will always work out.

    Our 9th anniversary is this month and that has definitely pulled us through tougher times.

    Best wishes to you and your love!

    Reply

    • MiMi Atkins
      May 11, 2011 @ 23:36:30

      Congrats on the 9th anniversary, Amber. WOW! Yes, marriage is not about the “you” factor. It’s an “us” scenario and a beautiful union. No marriage is perfect but if it survives the loopholes then it’s worth it. I was told that marriage should at least be given a chance for 7 years (completion, I guess). I just know that if I don’t love someone then I can’t be with them.

      Reply

  8. Mary Timmons
    May 11, 2011 @ 23:17:52

    You are right that marriage is not to be taken lightly. I know plenty of people who got married because they were jealous of other friends who got married. Divorce is real and the rates are high and love is a chance with your heart but it’s worth taking.

    Reply

    • MiMi Atkins
      May 11, 2011 @ 23:33:39

      WOW! I know women like that, too, Mary. God has a plan for us all and his timing is impeccable so I don’t use others’ lives as my mirror or window.

      Reply

  9. Fred S.
    May 11, 2011 @ 23:19:37

    Marriage is not for everyone and I appreciate your honesty and views on courting. No one does that these days.

    FYI: I just saw your blog in the high rankings so I wanted to comment.

    Reply

  10. Dawn Brazil
    May 12, 2011 @ 09:33:35

    You are so right. One should marry for love, but I think it ought to be mentioned that love does not sustain a relationship. Respect does. If you respect your spouse that respect, coupled with love at times, will keep you in it for the long haul. The way God intended. Great post Mimi!!!

    Reply

    • MiMi Atkins
      May 12, 2011 @ 13:09:00

      Yes, what a key element that I was remiss in saying. You are so right about the pertinence of respect. Love will keep it together but respect will make it work. As they say, sometimes love is not enough.

      Reply

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